i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
