How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Is it because I queefed?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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