I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm really into asian looking animals
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
