im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
