I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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