is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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