He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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