i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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