DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
