why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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