I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
