nut hugger
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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