Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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