I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
