So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
