I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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