talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
