I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
