she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
he shaved USA in his pubs
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
