I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
