he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
