we have officially lost it.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
