I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
