I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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