im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
