oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
