yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize