I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So much rum. So many feels.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
