If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
