I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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