that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
