that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
you inspire me to be a worse person
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
