Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Randomize
