Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
