when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
