I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
