At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
