guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
