dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
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