I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
