Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
