Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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