i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
