So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
