I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
