god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
