upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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