just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
