a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
