Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
