We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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