Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(845): View more from New York

She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".

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(313): View more from Michigan

I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.

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(720): View more from Colorado

Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...

(303): View more from Colorado

God works in mysterious ways my friend.

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(830): View more from Texas

You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.

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(+27): View more from South Africa

Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing

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(619): View more from California

its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me

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