I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
