You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i dont even know how to be here
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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