R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
