Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
