About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
