Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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