Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
