two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize