i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
