If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
