My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
