in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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