He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize