my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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