I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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