good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
My liver just had a heart attack.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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