Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize