Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize