Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
