I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
