Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
