I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Randomize
