dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
